Who wants some clothes?

So, I am not sure if it is becuase I started crying when my wife asked if I wanted  a fourth kid or if she could simply see it in my eyes that I did not need another female in the house, but somehow she has come close enough to accepting we are not going to have a fourth kid that she was okay with me selling our baby clothes and baby accessories and maternity clothes.  I told her I was going to have a garage sale.  She said something along the lines of "Give it all to charity, you are dumb."

Trying to defy her wisdom, I am currently sitting here:

At this point, I would tell you it is going "mildly well".  The highlight so far has been selling a rocking chair glider (purchased by the wife in the morning, picked up by the angry husband in the afternoon).

But, after my synopsis of the days events, I have decided to write a brief "Best Practice" for garage sale shoppers.  Please, if you will be swinging by my garage sale. read the following five points first.

1)  Commit.  Please stop drivng by, slowing down, and then not stopping.  Really, you saw the 4,000 items I have for sale from behind the wheel at 3 miles an hour.  You do understand that you chose to go "garage saling" yet you are not stopping at garage sales.  Why don't you drive to Target.  Go in and walk by all the cashiers and then go home.  You would be using your time just as efficiently

2)  The person running the garage sale did not do this "for fun".  We have a ton of merchandise that we don't need.  That does not mean that it is poor quality, it is just that I don't need it.  I did not set up every table, and make my parents come over to help price and fold clothes because we thought it would be "a hell of a good time".  So please treat my items with respect.  If your kid thinks it is funny to unfold all the clothes and shout "this is pretty" I find it should be your responsiblity to fold the clothes back up.

3)  Really you need one thing?  A guy came to my garage sale today and said "I'm just looking for some silverware"......I punched him in the face.  Okay not really.  But I advertised this sale as baby and maternity clothes and he thought it would be a great place to pick up a five set of forks.  Why don't you browse.  Perhaps you would like that cuisinart coffee maker that I am practically giving away.

4)  Do you really need to haggle over everything.  I am selling 300 feet of electrical wire.  I am asking $20 for it.  Johnny Old Guy stopped by and literally yelled at me "how much for the wire"  When I told him $20 for all fo it, he huffed and left.  Listen Tommy Tightwad...I am asking for 6.67 cents a foot...loosen your wallet.  When I was little, my family used to strip electrical wire that my dad collected from the dumpsters of worksites he was at so we could sell the copper.  Don't haggle over a good deal.  If you think $60 is too much for a used stroller, let's talk....but if you want to argue that you should pay fifty cents instead of a dollar for Gap children's clothes...leave.

5)  I brought change, you should too.  My first customer today perused my quality offerings, and selected a book, a toy truck and one baby shirt.  She owed me a $1.50.  She gave me a $20.  REALLY?  You decide to go garage sales for the day and the smallest bill you bring is a $20.  Because I had been prepared, I paid her back $18.50 in change.  Because I was pissed, I gave it to her all in quarters.  Sorry Betty Big Bills, next time bring something I can break or spend more money.

Those are my five hints for buyers today.  I have to go now because a wind storm is hitting my garage sale.  More fun for me.

Because my oldest told me she was running the cash register, and my 6 year old told me a dollar is the right price for a bottle of water "because it is ice cold"...I love my girls.