More to.......WHAT?

I am a guys guy. I enjoy sports, occasionally cuss, and would rather give my wife a high five on our anniversary then have to figure out what perfume she is now infatuated with.

I tell you this because tonight I accidentally started watching the new reality TV show "More to Love".

I kid you not, this is a reality show about fat people. It is like "The Bachelor" for the big and tall. Today, I decided that I am going to become a television writer. Seriously, if "More to Love", which stars a guy who hasn't seen a salad in the last 15 years, becomes a hit new show for NBC, I think the end of mankind is near.

To stress my point, here are a couple of quotes as they were going through the elimination ceremony:

1) "I was so nervous because he hadn't called my name and I thought, I am going to lose the man of my dreams...." Seriously, according to my calculations, she had known Tubby Tommy for approximately 49 minutes, and at this point had determined that he was the man of her dreams. Two words for you sweetie: Aim Higher.

2) "I really need to make it through elimination because I honestly think this is my last chance at love." This came from a gal who I am not kidding was 29 years old and weighed more than any 29 year old should. My advice: Your last chance at love should not be hooking up with Fatty McFatterson....it should have more to do with hooking up with that exercise bike you are now using as a clothesline.


So, no joke I watched the show for 19 minutes. I could not believe that this made it to prime time television. I have a call into the NBC execs right now though to pitch my new show: "Everyone Poops". I cannot give away the plot, but can you say "riveting".

Because they watch Ni Hao Kai Lan, which is a cartoon about a 5 year old preschooler who teaches kids to always "try your best"...instead of reality shows staring Wally Weigh-A-Lot...I love my girls....

Our little ultimate fighting champion

This is what we woke up to today:

Both my little ones eyes were swollen shut. She did not appear to be in any pain, as she was giggling and eating lucky charms.

I took her to the doctor today and he exclaimed, "well, it's not pink eye, come back if it doesn't go away".......Thanks Doc.

When we got home, I asked Ashley if she was okay, and she replied "you should see the other guy..."

Because they can hold their own.....I love my girls...

Oh Deer.......

It was a brisk morning for July, even in Minnesota. The sun was out but the temperature gauge outside the house was registering a cool 64 degrees as my beautiful bride climbed into her car last week and headed to work. She has been leaving the house around 6 or 6:30 AM lately....and this day was no exception.

Although we thought this day was like any other...there was one difference. About 12 minutes into her drive, a deer jumped out of the bushes and ran right at her car. She instinctively veered to the left into the oncoming traffic lane. Thank God there was no oncoming traffic.

The deer bounced off her car, and ran way. She called home. I answered the phone call, learned a deer hit her and was worried about her. She said she was fine, just a little shook up. Kelly Smith = Nerves of Steel. Please forgive my french, but I would have shit my pants.

The car went in today to get fixed. My wife drives a Infiniti G35. They gave her a Toyota Corolla as a rental. It is not a bad car, but it is not a G35, and she was a little confused about the "lever you had to use to move the seat".....

Here is her car:

That little dent is going to cost us $3,500 to fix, but for that price they will also remove the fur that is still clinging to the car by some sticky substance.

As a side note, I learned in Canada last week that it is much better to hit a deer than a moose, for they are taller and apparently are huge....meaning you cut their bony legs out and the girth of their body comes through the windshield.

I am willing to bet that even if my wife hit a moose she would not be phased....she would probably get out of her car and yell at the damn thing.

Anyhow, everyone is fine, my daughters never learned that mom hit a deer as we weren't sure how to explain to them yet about Bambi dieing, etc...

Because one has nerves of steel, and the others melt my heart, I love my girls....