Real Life

Swimming lessons were canceled last week because a kid pooped in the pool.

Seriously.

I didn't know that happened in real life.

Because they had not jumped in yet....I love my girls.....

Only because....

I sat in my bed this morning....realizing that I did not need to get up early to help take care of the kids...

Thanks mom.

Kelly and I had a date night last night. I will tell you about it in a second.

I have been sick for the past three days. I hate being sick, and I wish H1N1 on no one. I don't think I had it...but man whatever I had...if the R2D2 is worse then that....no thanks.

Mom watched the kids for the night...so Kel and I went to Wildfire. We were supposed to go on Friday...but i couldn't move...so we went Saturday instead. We did not have reservations, as we were not sure if I would be feeling well enough to go.

We waited 1.5 hours for a table. After waiting one hour, the manager came up to us and told us that he would be buying our dinner. Our entire dinner.

I can eat.

So, we started with a fondue, moved to an appetizer...my beautiful bride enjoyed a flute of wine, and we had salads and entrees followed by a "trio" of desserts.

One hundred and ten dollars later, the manager came up to us and thanked us for being so nice about the wait.

???????????

We had terrible service at Lola's and a horrible meal...and the manager saif he would buy us some cheesecake.....

Yet at Wildfire, we waited 30 minutes more then we were "supposed" to and we ate like royalty..... for free.

I know my readership is 19 people....but trust me you 19...go to Wildfire. Even if you do not get a free meal....you are eating somewhere that is thankful you are there.

Because my hope is they will always eat like royalty, whether it is a happy meal now.....or escargot in the future, I love my girls....

I'm Baaaacccckkkk.....

After a week in Brazil and Argentina, I am back. I have been back for almost a week actually, but I have been trying to catch up with life and work, etc.. so just getting to catching you up.

I have some pictures, but mostly memories, following are some things I learned on my trip:

I learned that as much as the travel clinic tries to scare you, there are not mosquitoes that have the capability of sucking all of your blood in one bite and then spitting it back into you infused with Dengue Fever and/or Malaria.

I learned that over 60% of the population of Sao Paulo is poor. I learned that a lot of these poor people are honest hard workers.

I learned that the phrase “Thank You” is highly underused in The United States.

I learned that Sao Paulo is a city and a state.

I learned that driving lanes are simply "guidelines" in Sao Paulo.

I learned that for some reason there is one motorcycle death a day in this city.

I learned that unless you live in Sao Paulo, you should not have the right to complain about traffic. The following is not an exaggeration. It is a fact that on a bad day, it can take 1 hour to drive 3 kilometers in Sao Paulo. It is also a fact that 3 kilometers is 1.8 miles.

I learned the number one reason people work in Brazil for Mosaic is the people that they work with.

I learned that in Brazil, to work until 7PM is not uncommon. I also learned that nobody complains about this.

I learned that in Argentina, taxes are high... and the current President is the wife of the last President.

I learned that in Argentina, the posted speed limit is merely a suggestion.

I learned it is not uncommon to eat dinner at 9 PM or later in Argentina.

I learned that I don't like eating dinner at 9PM or later.

I learned there is good food in Latin America

I learned that it is hard to find talented people in both countries.

I learned that cleanliness is next to godliness in our plants in Latin America.

I learned that what we refer to as “Coffee” is the states is really just dark water.

I learned that you can miss your family quite a bit in just 7 days.

I learned that Portuguese is not Spanish, and that I know very little of both.

I learned that when you receive an email while you are in a country 5200 miles away that says "last night Katelyn prayed for daddy to have a safe trip and make a lot of friends"...you so badly wish you could hug that 4 year old.

Because they missed me as much as I missed them.....I love my girls.

They are worth a thousand words...

As I am running out of time before I head to Brazil tomorrow, instead of writing...I thought I would go with:

A Picturesque Blogue Entry

I mowed my lawn. Mowing in one continuous circle saves 9 minutes.

Ashley got her first checking account a month ago. She already has more money than I.

One of the few highlights at the fair. The VERY FEW highlights at the fair.

Two people having fun on the boat

One Not.

Can you tell where the tent was for a week? Sadly.....didn't sleep in it once.

Because when they get hold of the camera, they take pictures like this:

I love my girls....

Weekend to Remember

My hope is to remember all of them...but I will use this blog as a way to remember this one.

The weekend started with leaving work a little early on Friday...always nice to get out a touch early. This night was special as I was going to the Viking's game. I know, 4th preseason game...but these were 50 yard line tickets, and my neighbors company was footing the bill, so pretty good time.

Side note here: This capped a week where I was not home 4 out of 5 nights with fantasy football, real football, and hanging out with friends. Thanks my love.

Back to this weekend. We went horseback riding on Saturday. Went to a place called River Valley Ranch. I am not a fan of horses, or riding on them for an hour down a trail.

Side note here: My wife said we could do anything I wanted to as it was our date day. I knew she liked horseback riding, so I set it all up. You're welcome my love :)

Horseback riding, a little shopping, and we test drove a mini-van. Let me just put it this way: with the 4 million automakers out there, can't they invent something that is not a mini-van? Or can't they market it as a SMV (Suburban Mobility Vehicle)? Just give me something so I don't have to drive one of those around...and I don't want one of those cars that looks like it is confused as to whether or not it should be a station wagon or an SUV....those vehicles look dumber than a mini-van and people would make fun of them if they knew what they were called...

So, Saturday night was a bonfire night, kids had smores, etc... it was great.

Sunday we spent the majority of the day at my folks place...out on the boat and eating lasagna. The boat was great, the lasagna was better...and mom makes this bread that I think I could eat 9 or 10 loaves of. Good to see the family, all siblings and their families looked tot be doing well, although Riley didn't want any part of dinner...we assumed she was just avoiding carbs.

Today was the best though as I got a lot of things done around the house.

Side note here: Wife took the kids to Target for a couple hours. Out of my hair = things accomplished. Thank you my love.

Then we got to hang out with the kids, had dinner, went for a walk and even learned a few things....Katelyn gave me an education today on animals:

I tried to explain to her that bats were nocturnal. They slept in the day and woke up at night, so that meant they were nocturnal. She didn't believe me, but did ask why they called it "Knock Knock Turtle"....

Then she told me that you should never touch a "Poke U Pine" (porcupine) because they just poke poke poke unless you have gloves on...

So the great weekend ended with Poke U Pines and Knock Knock Turtle animals. Couldn't think of a better conclusion.

Because the littlest is talking a mile a minute, and the oldest spends time teaching me a myriad of things, and I can't understand either of them.....I love my girls.

My little actress...

I work with a young lady who I think is 27 years old. Every night we leave work, I tell her to have a great night. Every morning I come in and ask how her night was. Typically her answer resembles the following:

"I had my boot camp cardio class, and then went for a walk with Bree (I have no idea how to spell this but yes she has a friend named after cheese) then I met Mike at Drink for a couple and went home."

When she asks me tomorrow what I did, I will have to say the following:

"I got home and picked up the kids from daycare. My 2 year old kept asking "where mommy" while my 4 year old told me I had to see the frog they caught. They actually never caught a frog....and mommy was a long way from home."

I then made cheese quesadillas. This really is cheese melted in the toaster oven on a tortilla. Not hard. But my best attempt at a wholesome dinner.

Then, mom got home and we went outside. My kids actually got along playing with each other. Katelyn (4) decided we should put on a play for everyone. None of my neighbors were outside so Kelly and I were wondering who "everyone" was. Regardless, it was time to do Cinderella. Katelyn announced that she was Cinderella, Ashley was her mean step sister, Kelly was the step mom, and I was to play both the king and the prince.

We went through the entire play, including the clock striking midnight where Katelyn kicked off one of her shoes becuase she knew the slipper needed to be found by the prince.

It was honestly one of the cutest things I have ever seen.

The first time.

Then we did the same play four more times. When I asked Katelyn if we could do another play...she said "sure, I know, I know...how about Mulan?" I have never seen Mulan, nor has my wife....therefore we are going to have a talk with our daycare lady tomorrow.....

Regardless.....this will be my story versus my assistant Cara's. She will have spent the night at some hip and trendy hangout...I will have spent the night in a Cinderella play (four times).

Still, I wouldn't trade places with her if you paid me.

Because they give me memories you couldn't get at the local hot spot.....I love my girls.

Right before my eyes.....

So...it has been a little while since my last post, but only because I struggle to find something new and exciting to talk about every day.

So, although not much to update, I thought I would share a few things.

We have a cleaning lady. This is not because my wife and I are extravagantly wealthy...more because after searching high and low my wife found a service we could afford, and..well.....we hate cleaning. So, she comes every other week and spends some time cleaning the pad. Every other Thursday night my wife and I spend some time picking up so she can actually clean the things we don't want to. We made it kind of a game to get the kids to help out, but in order to do so, Kelly told Katleyn that we clean to get ready for the cleaning fairy to come.

I give you this background because today the cleaning lady came. Because our daycare lady is on vacation, Kelly and the kids were home when the cleaning lady arrived. Katleyn politely met her at the door and exclaimed: "Hi, are you the cleaning fairy?"

Thankfully, she did not quit on the spot....and exclaimed that yes she was.....

On that note, Katelyn is quickly growing up right before my eyes. She used to be scared of the park in our backyard....but here is her recent adventure:

Needless to say, her fear is quickly fading.....

So, Katelyn is climbing the park, and Ashley's vocabulary is growing daily. With them growing so fast, the talk of number three is escalating.....

I'll let you know as soon as we are pregnant (of course after I tell my mom). I am willing to bet that number three will also be a girl, so sorry dad but it looks like the Smith name might come to a close as I am betting that I can only produce girls.

Because one wants another baby, one believes in "cleaning fairies" and one simply is the cutest 2 year old in the world.....I love my girls.......

Struck

So, as I am sure many of you know Sonia Sotomayor was named our newest Supreme Court Justice. I don't know much about her, and I know less about politics...but I did hear a portion of her acceptance speech.

At one point, she said "I am struck by the wonder of my life....."

Since hearing this sentence I have replayed it over and over in my head as to me it is an unbelievably positive attitude and a powerful statement to be able to say. I have been thinking, am I struck by the wonder of my life?....and after a lot of thought, I truly believe so.

I have been fortunate as my life has been touched by so many who have left me better off. I am blessed for having been given the opportunities that I have, and I have worked hard to grow from them. Following are a few reasons I consider myself lucky every day:

1) My children. Katelyn and Ashley. Each day holds a smile, or a giggle or a hug.
2) My wife. Kelly. The most confident and brilliant woman I know...and yet still depends on me for support. Is there a better compliment than to tell you you are needed by someone whom you respect and love more than anyone else?
3) I built a home. Buying a home is an accomplishment for anyone, and I am proud that we built ours
4) I have traveled the world. Okay, compared to some, I have not made a dent. But when I look at my life, and know that I have been to Norway, Dominican Republic, Mexico, Canada, and am heading to Brazil...I am thankful as there are so many who don't get to experience anywhere other than where they live.
5) My mom. If you know her....you like her. I have yet to meet someone who knows my mom who does not say good things about her. When I first started at Mosaic, I was known by some as Carol's son. For that I am proud.
6) Concerts. I have not seen many. But there are many who have seen none. To name a few, I have seen Garth Brooks, Dixie Chicks, Kid Rock, and Harry Connick Jr. All different, all exciting, and all enjoyed with friends or loved ones.
7) Friends. A person does not need a lot of friends to be happy, they need some quality friends. I am fortunate that I have a lot of quality friends. Proof of this is that there are too many to list. You know who you are, and thank you for being there for me in the past, present and future.
8) Humor. If you ever find yourself in a bad mood...think of a joke, or a story that will bring a smile to your face. If you can't think of that story...call me...I have a few good ones that I'd be happy to share.
9) Second chances. I have not led a perfect life. Thankfully, I have been surrounded by many who allow for this, and have helped me become smarter growing from past mistakes.
10) Freedom. I currently am watching television, writing a blog, having enjoyed a tuna sandwich and a bag of chips. Nobody told me I couldn't do any of that. Thank you freedom.

So, I could go on forever, but I too am struck by the wonder of my life....because to me the "wonder" does not have to be as profound as being named to the Supreme Court.

I would be willing to bet that no matter where you are at in your life...if you truly thought about it...you too would be struck by the wonder of your life.

My advice: think about it. Make your own list. Then read it....and you will catch yourself smiling.

Because they are at the heart of the wonder of my life... I love my girls.....

It's just not fair.....

Okay. So, we went to the Carver County Fair on Thursday night. My daughters and wife had a great time. They rode all the rides, which consisted of different things going around in a circle. We had corn dogs for dinner, and a piece of pizza. We had a bucket of fries. We bough some all you could drink chocolate milk, and filled the sippy cups without them looking.

The experience cemented my belief that I would rather pull my eyebrows out then attend fairs. Lucky for me, this was apparently a practice round for the State Fair. Apparently, we were honing our ability to find the best corn dog, the shortest lines to the 4H barn, and the ability to collect free crap that we simply have to throw away when we get home. Oh, good news though....rumor has it my family is all going to wear the same t-shirt when we go to the fair. For the new followers to this blog I have a wife and two daughters. Apparently, without me knowing...I have agreed to be gay.

We spent $55 at the fair. We were there for 2 hours. For $22.50 an hour, I expect an experience that rivals that "white light" people say they see in near death experiences. Instead, for $55 I received a corn dog, one third of a piece of pizza, and a carnie ride operator that talked to me for 5 minutes while my kids and wife were "flying" the helicopter. To this day, I have no idea what he was saying other then I had to check out the motorcycle ride. I was pretty impressed with his ability to smoke seven cigarettes in the 2 minutes our conversation lasted.

They all had fun though. There is a chance that I am once again in the running for father of the year because I pretended the whole time that I was having fun.

I will go again though, not because I crave punishment, but because Katelyn told me that the bunnies were pretty and she loved me for taking her to see them.

Because they can turn an experience that I hate to the greatest moment of my life in one second through a brief sentence.....I love my girls...

More to.......WHAT?

I am a guys guy. I enjoy sports, occasionally cuss, and would rather give my wife a high five on our anniversary then have to figure out what perfume she is now infatuated with.

I tell you this because tonight I accidentally started watching the new reality TV show "More to Love".

I kid you not, this is a reality show about fat people. It is like "The Bachelor" for the big and tall. Today, I decided that I am going to become a television writer. Seriously, if "More to Love", which stars a guy who hasn't seen a salad in the last 15 years, becomes a hit new show for NBC, I think the end of mankind is near.

To stress my point, here are a couple of quotes as they were going through the elimination ceremony:

1) "I was so nervous because he hadn't called my name and I thought, I am going to lose the man of my dreams...." Seriously, according to my calculations, she had known Tubby Tommy for approximately 49 minutes, and at this point had determined that he was the man of her dreams. Two words for you sweetie: Aim Higher.

2) "I really need to make it through elimination because I honestly think this is my last chance at love." This came from a gal who I am not kidding was 29 years old and weighed more than any 29 year old should. My advice: Your last chance at love should not be hooking up with Fatty McFatterson....it should have more to do with hooking up with that exercise bike you are now using as a clothesline.


So, no joke I watched the show for 19 minutes. I could not believe that this made it to prime time television. I have a call into the NBC execs right now though to pitch my new show: "Everyone Poops". I cannot give away the plot, but can you say "riveting".

Because they watch Ni Hao Kai Lan, which is a cartoon about a 5 year old preschooler who teaches kids to always "try your best"...instead of reality shows staring Wally Weigh-A-Lot...I love my girls....

Our little ultimate fighting champion

This is what we woke up to today:

Both my little ones eyes were swollen shut. She did not appear to be in any pain, as she was giggling and eating lucky charms.

I took her to the doctor today and he exclaimed, "well, it's not pink eye, come back if it doesn't go away".......Thanks Doc.

When we got home, I asked Ashley if she was okay, and she replied "you should see the other guy..."

Because they can hold their own.....I love my girls...

Oh Deer.......

It was a brisk morning for July, even in Minnesota. The sun was out but the temperature gauge outside the house was registering a cool 64 degrees as my beautiful bride climbed into her car last week and headed to work. She has been leaving the house around 6 or 6:30 AM lately....and this day was no exception.

Although we thought this day was like any other...there was one difference. About 12 minutes into her drive, a deer jumped out of the bushes and ran right at her car. She instinctively veered to the left into the oncoming traffic lane. Thank God there was no oncoming traffic.

The deer bounced off her car, and ran way. She called home. I answered the phone call, learned a deer hit her and was worried about her. She said she was fine, just a little shook up. Kelly Smith = Nerves of Steel. Please forgive my french, but I would have shit my pants.

The car went in today to get fixed. My wife drives a Infiniti G35. They gave her a Toyota Corolla as a rental. It is not a bad car, but it is not a G35, and she was a little confused about the "lever you had to use to move the seat".....

Here is her car:

That little dent is going to cost us $3,500 to fix, but for that price they will also remove the fur that is still clinging to the car by some sticky substance.

As a side note, I learned in Canada last week that it is much better to hit a deer than a moose, for they are taller and apparently are huge....meaning you cut their bony legs out and the girth of their body comes through the windshield.

I am willing to bet that even if my wife hit a moose she would not be phased....she would probably get out of her car and yell at the damn thing.

Anyhow, everyone is fine, my daughters never learned that mom hit a deer as we weren't sure how to explain to them yet about Bambi dieing, etc...

Because one has nerves of steel, and the others melt my heart, I love my girls....

I hugged the neighbor.....

As many of you know our little angels go to two different daycares. Both are in our neighborhood...one is across the street, where Katelyn and Ashley are her only kids. One is two houses down and she has somewhere around 7 to 10 kids. My wife could tell you exactly how many there are..but I have never been a stickler for details.

I give you this background, because an amazing thing happened. Rhonda (the daycare two houses down) told us that she would be having a sleepover for all the girls in the daycare. It was going to be Saturday night, and both Katleyn and Ashley were invited to stay the night.

The ENTIRE night.

The invite to the sleepover said it would start around 5:00.

At 4:58 we took this picture:

At exactly 5PM, we met every other parent at the sleepover, as apparently everyone wanted every minute they could get. We confirmed with Rhonda that Ashley could stay the night. On the way out, we asked her husband Phil if he knew what he was getting into.

Knowing that I was dropping my two girls off at 5PM, not being expected to pick them up until the following morning at 9AM, and that I did not have to pay for it....I hugged him.

My wife and I had a quiet night alone, enjoying the scenery on Lake Waconia from Lola's patio. I spent the night staring into Kelly's eyes and confessing my love.... It was either confessing my love or eating Calamari....

The next morning, we picked up the kids. They had a GREAT time and Katelyn asked when the next party was.

The next "party" is with Grandma and Grandpa this weekend as my mom and dad offered to watch them for the night on my birthday.

Yes, I plan on hugging my parents as well on Friday when we drop them off.

I will encourage them to enjoy sleepovers, but because I think they will still like sleeping here better, I love my girls....

How I lost 5 pounds with a "desk job"....

I am a recruiter. Typically, this means I spend the majority of my day talking to potential new employees for my company. I am oversimplifying what I do....but the details aren't necessary. All you need to understand is that I sit behind a desk with a phone a computer for 8+ hours a day. I still lost weight on Tuesday of this week, and the following story details how:


I had to leave early today to pick up my kids from daycare. This meant I had to leave the office at 4PM. Because I am a multi-tasker I had scheduled a phone screen at 4:15. I figured I could be in my car, and receive the call, and walk through the phone screen, etc..

I got into my car at 4:13, and started it up. I drive a Ford Explorer. I tell you this because if any of you own a Ford Explorer you know that the air conditioning is not the fastest to cool down, and while it is trying to cool down, the fan blows at mach 3 and is loud.

I started the truck, and looked at the temperature gauge, it said 92 degrees Fahrenheit. For those of you in Canada, I have no idea what this is in Celsius….but no matter where you are this is hot. No problem, as remember I am a multi-tasker. I can deal with the fan blowing while conducting a phone screen and should only be uncomfortable for a few minutes.

The candidate, true to the plan, called me at exactly 4:15. Not sticking to the plan, I quickly learned that communication skills were not his forte. In fact, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being good…I would put him at a 2… only because I understood “Hello”.

I looked down, the gauge now read 94. Unfortunately, because I did not want the candidate to think I was not giving him a fair interview, I decided that I would strain to understand what he was saying….but this meant that I had to turn off the air conditioning as I simply could not hear him well enough.

I could not role down the windows, as the wind was too noisy for me to strain and understand his answers to my questions.

So….94 degrees is hot for an average person. Although I am not morbidly obese…I could stand to lose a few pounds….and because of this 94 degrees is really hot.

But as they say in recruiting “the phone screen must go on”…

So I turned off the air conditioning and rolled up the windows, thereby creating a moving sauna…. And started in with my questions.

Hoping this phone screen could be short, I went with the abridged version….but 6 minutes in I was sweating more then I have in a long time.

To close the interview, I graciously asked if he had any questions for me. When I asked this question, I was praying that he would respond “No, I will save them for the interview”….instead…I think he said “I have a few”….

29 minutes later I had answered all his questions. Because I struggled to understand him, I will admit that I answered two questions, not even really sure what he asked.

One time he either said "Do you have growth opportunities" or "can I work in China?". So, of course I answered "we have growth opportunities in China...."

So, the phone screen lasted a total of 42 minutes. Conducted in a rolling sauna with a temp of 94 degrees. I believe I lost 5 pounds. There is a chance I fainted twice as it got really hard to breathe about halfway through.

When I got home, I took off my shirt, and literally could ring it out as it was drenched.

So, for those of you who think we can’t lose weight with a “desk job” I will give you a phone number of someone you can phone screen and you too can lose some weight while working…..

Because they will love me even when I sweat....I love my girls...

"Mommy, this is what princesses have to wear....."

When mom went to put clothes on her for the day, Katelyn picked this outfit and wore it all day because...well, that is what princesses do.

Because they sometimes carry magical wands......I love my girls.

Would the Grinch really steal Christmas from her.....

Seriously....don't you think my kid looks like one of those Who's down in WhoVille.......and no....I don't know why the glass of milk looks bigger then her head in the picture...

Please stop the search....I found my watch...or I should at least say that Kelly did...let me break it down for you:

I could not find m watch for the last two weeks. I looked and looked and nothing. Every day if not twice a day I asked my wife if she had seen it. Yesterday, when I got home from work, I asked my wife for the 79th time if she had seen my watch. She responds, "(sigh) Do you want me to find it for you?"

I was stunned. Literally, that was her question. I have been looking for this watch for two weeks, have asked her every hour on the hour if she knew where it was and she had to ask if I wanted her to find it. I was this close to telling her "no, I think it is fun to just keep asking you if you have seen it.'

Because I enjoy making out with my wife, I went with "yes honey, if you think you can"

Twelve minutes later, she gave me my watch. I was happy it was found....I was mad that she did in twelve minutes what I could not do in two weeks. Although, part of me thinks she is the one that hid it just to play this mean trick on me.

On a different note, our fence gets built tomorrow. Jimmy has told me no short of 37 times that if he hits a sprinkler head or hose, it is not his fault... Please cross your fingers.

Because they will never hide my possessions, I love my girls...

So much to talk about

So, first to catch you up, we went on a family vacation for Memorial Day Weekend. This meant that we headed up to Brainerd. For those of you who don't know, Brainerd is up north and it is where everyone goes for memorial day weekend. We went up on Saturday deciding to stay at a waterpark. I was a little hesitant...but my wife said to have faith.

To her credit.....it was awesome. Huge water slides, lazy river, 33 fountains, dinosaur spray and hoses galore. Sadly, Katelyn only liked the hoses....so dad didn't get to try any of the big water slides. I did convince her to try the lazy river...she hated it and asked if we could go back to the hoses. Ashley loved it all.

As a side note, my wife is hot in a bikini.

Next, I cleaned out the garage. My parents have a slip on the lake they live on. Yes....they live the good life. They were kind enough though to not buy a boat, meaning that we could put ours on their slip. If anyone from their builder is a reader of my blog though, I swear it is their boat and we are lucky to use it once in a while.

We took the kids out on "my parents" boat. I'll show you pictures in a bite...needless to say Katelyn was awesome, loving every minute.... and true to form, Ashley was a handful....although still loved it.

Last update, many of you know that I am the neighborhood watch patrol for Hunter's Crest. I have the non-emergency police number memorized. Sad to say, I had to put the number into action last night.

Somehow, 7 teenagers thought it was cool to play basketball in our park at 11PM. I decided it was not. Congrats to the Minnestrista police department, as the non-emergency response time was 6 minutes.

They kicked the kids out of the park....and I went to sleep feeling good about myself because as my mother taught me at a young age; no sense in staying out late because "what can you do after 10 PM that you can't do before 10 PM".

Because they will never be able to stay out past 8:30PM...I love my girls....

We're even

So, for those of you following, I had a bout with Gout that left my wife taking care of the fam for a couple of days. For those of you who felt bad for her.....no worries....her and I are even.

My wife has had a flu/cold/asthma/allergies/anything else you can put here for the past 6 days. SIX DAYS. Before you read the next sentence, you need to understand that on any old average day, I honestly think my wife is hot....and I mean that in the sexy sort of way. Three days ago though, with her hair everywhere, her nose three times bigger then normal, one eye drooping, and a continuous line of snot coming out of her nose....well....let's just say that kid number three was not conceived this week.

I have been daddy day care for the past few days, although tonight she was back in shape in helping out. But, now you understand my lack of posts.

A few quick updates:

1) My kids rock. Even without mom around, they minded their manners, and went to bed on time. Thank you Katelyn and Ashley.

2) My parents closed on their house. Congrats mom and dad, I can't think of anyone who deserves their dream home more than you.

3) We are building a fence, scheduled to be built in two weeks. Jimmy Pass of Pass fence is building it. Yes.....his name is Jimmy.

4) I start implementation of a new recruiting system at work next week. This is boring for most people to read, but a cool thing to say I held a major part in.

5) For our 6 year anniversary, my wife and I are hiring a cleaning lady to come on Friday in the day. Our kids will be sleeping at Grandma and Grandpa's house for the weekend. I cannot tell you how excited my wife and I are to just live in a clean house for two days....it is our gift to each other.

6) I took my kids to work today. Gotta be honest....I was pretty proud of them.

Because they behaved at daddy's work, and for so many other reasons....I love my girls....

Gout....

After 6 days of pain, and watching my ankle swell to the size of a small beach ball, I went to the doctor today.  For those of you who don't know, I have gout.  Gout is a concentration of uric acid that forms crystals on your joints that are like shards of glass.  You think I am making that up, but I swear to you that is how the doctor described it to me when I was first diagnosed two years ago.

It is painful.

For those of you who have read previously blogs of mine, let me put it into perspective:  even my dad would be in pain if he had gout.

Gout is a hereditary disease.  No one else in my family has ever had it.  Crohn's is a hereditary disease.  No one else in my family has ever had it.  Mom, Dad....do you need to tell me something?

The short version of my visit to the doctor is this;  After looking at my foot and ankle, the doctor exclaims...that looks like it hurts.  I am not sure if it was his Harvard education, or the fact that I was sweating profusely, had an ankle that was swollen to the size of Mount Rushmore, or if it was the little whimpering noises I was uncontrollably making that helped him form this conclusion...but I was impressed.  

Regardless, he gave me oodles of drugs including starting with prednizone to act as an anti inflammatory, something that starts with a C and sounds like and Italian mob boss Cicatone or something like that that sucks the uric acid out of a body and most importantly, vicotin for the pain.  Because I literally have slept 6 hours in the past three days without pain medicine...I quickly asked him to become my family doctor of record.

I went to the doctor because I have watched my wife take care of my kids for the last 5 days without my help.  I literally could not stand, I did nothing to help get them fed, get them in bed, get them dressed, well...anything.  My wife took care of it, and not once did she bitch about it.  I know she wasn't happy about it....but if I  were a single parent to a one and three year old while my other half was sitting on the couch I would have complained.

So, I had to get in to try and get this fixed.

Happy to say that after taking 7 of the ten pills prescribed to take, I am on the upswing.  I even bathed the kids tonight.  

For so many reasons, I am most likely not going to win father of the year this year.. but I still think my wife might have a shot in her category.

Because they still smile and give me hugs even when I can't walk.....I love my girls.

Achey Breaky Heart....

So, they say that all kids go through that "stage". It is that stage between cute little baby and cute little toddler....where they just kind of look funny....



I will admit that although this never happened to me as I have been Adonis like since birth, it did happen with Katelyn...and is currently happening to Ashley. I want to stress that I believe Ashley will come out of this fine. In fact, her beauty will rival princesses across the land. Looking at Ashley will be like looking at a work of art, or a bountiful flower, or a sunset of a perfect day....but today, not so much. I have affectionately decided to nickname her BillyRay as she is currently sporting a mullet. In fact, if Hannah Montana had been touring two years ago with Billy Ray, I may have questions:

It is a little hard to tell in the above pictures, but she is rockin a mullet that BillyRay sported in the good old days. Separated at birth perhaps?





Oh well, I suppose it could have been worse:

Because they aren't old enough to type a blog and make fun of me.....I love my girls.

Weekends are to short.....

So, I sit here on Sunday night realizing that the weekend is coming to a close....and I feel as many others probably do....these things are just too short.

I always have high expectations of what I will get done during the course of the weekend, and tonight I can confidently tell you that I once again neglected to get most of that done....and when I say most of it...I mean all of it...

A couple of fun things though. Friday night we had a couple of neighbors who had bonfires. These guys both have pretty sweet setups in their backyard where you can sit around in comfy chairs, cook smores, catch up, etc.. When Kelly and I bought our house, we had big plans for this fancy backyard with a big fire pit, etc.. Well, we managed to buy one of those portable bonfire pits, and thus succumbing to the fact that none of our neighbors will be coming to our house for a bonfire...as in essence the flame is only slightly bigger then a candle.

So, we had a neighborhood social event on Friday, and Saturday we went to the Twins game. We were invited by friends to attend with their family. They have 3 little kids, we have two, it was in a suite so we figured why not. Needless to say, it was awesome to be able to sit in the suite...we didn't get to catch up much with our friends as we were all trying to make sure our kids had fun...By the 5th inning, kids were in meltdown mode. Even to the point that Katelyn said she didn't want any cotton candy. Can you tell me what other 3 year old in the world would pass on cotton candy? It was time to leave.

All in all though two pretty good nights when you keep in mind that typically the biggest event on a weekend for the Minnetrista Smith's on a weekend is the Pizza Ranch buffet and a trip to Target.

But then there was today. You see....today was Spencer's birthday. For those of you who do not know, Spencer is our cat. I hate him (as noted in original post) but my wife thinks of him as part of the family. So, we had to celebrate. So that you can understand my own personal hell this evening, I will give you a few brief details:

1) We had a cake
2) We had a candle in the cake
3) We sang happy birthday
4) We wore those pointy party hats
5) Spencer got his own special birthday fancy feast....and yes...it was Fancy Feast

There is a good chance my wife got him a gift too, but she knew better then to give it to him in front of me.

For clarification purposes, I am talking about our cat. Spencer....our cat. One time, a few years ago, my wife asked what I wanted for my birthday. I asked for a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. I was told that nobody liked that and it was too much chocolate so I would not be getting it.


Spencer got numbers one through five.

I could not get my cake....


Because I know that they will love me more than their pet....I love my girls.

Fiesta

So, I had mentioned that I would dedicate a post to Mexico. My wife and I had traveled there a month ago....although it feels like a million years.

I love being home, I love hanging out with the kids, heck....I love my job. But..... it was awesome to be in paradise.

The above is the view from the two pool chairs that Kelly and I sat at for the majority of our time in Cozumel. I know....it looks like a postcard...but I swear to you, I took this picture. This is what I had to look at for 5 days. Can you tell now why I miss being there?

The above is taken in the early morning from our balcony. That is right....this is what I woke up to every morning. Minnetrista is great....but seriously.....

On top of that, the stairs you see in this picture lead to our private rooftop deck.

My wife told me that I could not post about whether or not she sunbathed in the nude....so I won't tell you if she did. What I will tell you, is that from personal experience...until you have sunbathed in the nude on a rooftop in Cozumel....you should not consider all of your goals accomplished.

Side note to my neighbors...I do not plan on repeating the process on my deck.

So, paradise was unbelievable...the food, the people, the pool, the snorkeling, the everything. I am thankful to be back. But I am thankful we went.


Because they will understand that occasionally mom and dad need to get away....I love my girls...

Maybe not everyone does....but.....

....I love my girls......

My Dad

So, my littlest and I were running errands yesterday. Katelyn and Mom were at gymnastics, so Ashley and I spent a little father daughter time running some errands. The plan was to get my haircut, go to the grocery store, and run Ashley to the doctor for a quick checkup.



Their was a line at GreatClips, so we ran quickly over to the liquor store to get my bride some wine as it was the last day of their sale. We walked in the door and there was a seven foot tall statue of Captain Morgan:





I kid you not, this is the same statue that was on display. As soon as Ashley sees it she yells "Papa!"


"Papa" is how Ashley refers to grandpa....my dad.


Now, my has been a lot of things: mechanic, electrician, plumber, firefighter, father, husband, grandpa....but pirate???



On that note though....I have a slight bone to pick with my dad. He reads this blog, so I will share with all of you. My dad is amazing, and always has been. My sisters, and frankly anyone who knows him can attest to what I am going to share with you.


My dad has the strength of 20 men. It is inhuman. I have seen him lift things alone that most teams of men could not move. My dad is also a human GPS system. He not only knows every road ever built, but he can define for you the quickest way to get from point A to point B. I am pretty sure that when you push that "Onstar' button in your car for directions...they call my dad to make sure they give you the right info..Lastly, my dad is one of the smartest people I have ever known. Whether it was math problems in high school to helping me rewire a friends house while I asked him questions over the phone....he is brilliant.


For these reasons and many more, my dad is an idol of mine. I also have been hopeful that I would inherit some or all of these characteristics. I mean, being his only son, you'd figure I'd have a shot. I could handle possessing deceptive strength, knowing where I was at all times, or people referring to me as a genius.


Instead, the only thing I have inherited to date from my dad are savagely long eyebrow hairs. My dad was blessed with an occasional mutant like eyebrow hair appearing. One time I saw him pluck an eyebrow hair that I kid you not was eight and a half inches long.

I now get these about once a month.


So, whereas I am still holding out hope for any of the aforementioned traits...I am stuck plucking weird eyebrow hair.


Thanks dad.




I have already passed on my dashing good looks to them, but I hope to be able to give them so much more as they get older because...well,...I love my girls.

Skewed Version of Reality

Today my girls came back from daycare having completed a "project". The project was an "all about me" fact sheet. Ashley is too little to communicate her answers, but following is Katelyn's:

When I grow up I want to be:
A babysitter and a mom

I help others by:
Making Special Cookies

Favorite Food:
Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

Favorite Animal:
Elephant

Favorite Book:
Bernstein Bears Grow Plants

Favorite Color:
FEALO

I am special because:
When mom and dad put me to bet, I fall right to sleep.

Now, the first few answers are cute and Kelly was happy that Katelyn wanted to be a mom....but we soon became aware of Katelyn's version of reality versus ours. By the animal question, we were beginning to wonder if we were sent a different kids answer sheet home. Katelyn is afraid of elephants. They squish things. Katelyn does like Bernstein Bears, but we don;t have that book. I am not sure what color FEALO is, but we know for a fact that her real favorite is pink or purple, and the last question is the funniest of all.

In the last 276 days, Katelyn has stayed in bed 4 times. Typically we put her to bed, and she moves into a number of reasons of why she needs to stay up later, ranging everywhere from "I already took a nap" to "I have to poop". This involves either screaming at the top of her lungs until we come back in the room, or simply getting out of bed and opening her door and walking out of her room.

So, the only conclusion we can come to is that Katelyn in fact knows that she never goes right to sleep, and therefore is tormenting us with her sarcasm.

Three and half years old, and sarcastic. I think we are venturing into that realm of "wait until you have kids" that I used to hear from my folks.....

Even though I now wonder if the really mean it when they say I am their best friend.....I love my girls....

Pugly

I love/hate my dog. Right now we are in the hate period.

Today my dog cost me $410. She is lucky to have come home. Apparently it costs more then $410 to put a dog to sleep.

Bailey, my pug, is almost 6 years old. Today we learned that she had a triple chronic ear infection. She was partly deaf because of it. Also, her anal glands had to be popped. I don't want to give more details, but being that "popping anal glands" is in a vet's job description... I am thankful that I am a recruiter.

To put this in perspective, my daughter got tubes put in both her ears. This procedure will cost us $83 more then the dog's vet visit. I am grateful that my daughter does not wake up with ear infections anymore, and would pay a small fortune for it. On the other hand, Bailey will be lucky to get $8 more out of the household budget the rest of the year.

So, today we learned that Bailey is in perfect health except for her ears, her face, and her butt.

For those of you pet lovers who think I am being mean....Want a pug?

Because they are worth any amount of money, I love my girls....

Where have we been......

To the many patient followers of this blog, let me apologize for the lack of posts. (Okay, I know there are really 9 people who read this total, but that intro makes me feel better).

Anyhow, I have been negligent in writing posts to catch you up on the Minnetrista Smiths as believe it or not I have been leading a jet-set life touring across the country for a mix of vacation and work. I am writing this while sitting in my hotel in Louisiana....and yes, I was here on St. Patrick's Day. Yes....they are crazy here on St. Patrick's Day.

But, first off my wife and I went to Mexico. We went to Cozumel. It was perfect. My mom and Dad graciously watched our little ones again, we owe them,,,but we spent five days in the tropical paradise. Nothing too much of consequence other then to tell you the East side of island closes after dark. We learned this the hard way while trying to drive to a restaurant we heard was good. They forgot to mention that it was good 'in the daytime" We made it back safe, but not before seeing a wild herd of cows. Yes, you read that correctly, and no, I did not think there were wild cows in Mexico either. Much less a herd of them crossing a road in the middle of the night trying to get to the beach....

Then we were home for a week before we left for Las Vegas. As most of you know, I have never been to this town. This is for an amplitude of reasons, but mostly because I have never really been good at "moderation". My wife and I have talked about going once or twice over the years, but the time finally arrived. I will dedicate a post solely to this trip....including handing out my awards. (for those of you curious, this list of awards will include "Best Toilet Paper")

Home for a week, and then I head to New Orleans. I am here for work, touring a couple of our Phos Acid and Sulfuric Acid Plants. I arrived last night. I watched a St. Patrick's day parade. I don't even know where to start. The parade lasted 2 hours and it was a "small one". I will dedicate a post to this trip as well.

But, wanted to give you a quick update as to why the lack of posts. I get back to the cities tomorrow, and do not have any travel plans for some time so you can once again get excited to read about the exciting life and times of the Minnetrista Smiths on a more regular basis.

Even though I feel like they are growing up to fast without me being there....I love my girls.

An hour of my life I won't get back.....

Tonight I watched the Grammys. I will forever refer to this as "the hour I won't get back".

It started with Miley Cyrus, or Hannah (I am still not sure what her real name is), singing a duet with Taylor Swift about being 15. Not a bad song, but keep in mind, one is 16 and one is 19, and I am pretty sure that neither leads the life of a normal 15 year old.

Then it moved into rap music. I know I am old...but seriously I could not comprehend a thing these guys were saying. I don't know if I simply couldn't hear them, but if my suspicions are correct, they were not speaking English.

What happened to music? It is hard to make a scale sound magical. It is hard to blend harmonies into a melodic tune that puts the soul at ease. It is hard to capture the imagination and interest of a listener using rhythm and dynamics.

It is not hard to rhyme.

Yet something named Lil Wayne gets a Grammy for "Rap Album of the year".

You want to give out a Grammy, send one to Shakopee. I know a gal there with more talent in her pinky finger then "Lil Wayne" has ever known.

Do you want to hear magic? Do you want to see someone who plays music simply because she is in love with it? Do you want to know what passion sounds like? Then go to a little church on Sunday mornings in a southern suburb of Minnesota. People at this church don't sing. It is not because they don't know the words to the selected hymns....it is because the don't want to interrupt perfection.

We will call this piano playing aficionado Kerry because, well, ....that is her name. If you want to do the world a favor, then buy her CD, and play it often. It is a Christmas CD, and it should be played year round, for it is a far more deserving "Album of the Year".

Because I know they will understand the true meaning of good music, I love my girls....

Everything I need to know, I haven't learned yet....

So, as mentioned, my trip to Canada was great, but I did learn that I have a lot to learn. Let me explain:

My first trip to Canada was approximately 7 years ago, when my bride and I went to Toronto. She was going there on business, I was going because I had never been...and hey, who doesn't want to go to Toronto.

I was under an absurd notion that in Canada they spoke some type of foreign language. I do not know why I thought this, but I was surprised that the only thing I heard was an occasional "eh". So, when we went into a bar to get a drink, and the waitress asked what we wanted, I came back with 'I'm surprised you sound just like us". Looking back, what a jerk I must have sounded like...as if the United States was the center of the earth. Terrible.

Fast forward 7 years later. I am in a Subway ordering a foot long Subway Club in Esterhazy. The sandwich artist asks me what kind of cheese I would like. I respond with "American" as that is the kind of cheese I always request when asked in the States. The employee looks at me like I am crazy, and suddenly I have flashbacks to Toronto.... Unfortunately though, I have no idea what else this cheese could be called. I only know it as "American"....My mind starts whirring, maybe they call it "Canadian"..etc... so I finally just point to what I want and pray she doesn't spit in my sandwich.

Sure enough, when I had a chance the next day to talk with a couple of our Canadian employees, they assured me that there was no such thing as "American" cheese in Canada.

For those of you interested or that want to contribute, I am now starting a Canadian to US glossary. "Creamer" is the next entry as apparently it is called "Whitener" in Canada.

Even though they probably will not want to travel to Canada with me, I love my girls.

3000 feet Underground

I am back. As mentioned in my previous posting, I went to Canada. Part of my trip was to visit our mining operations. This meant I traveled to Esterhazy, Canada and visited our mines referred to as K1 and K2. I had the pleasure of joining three others on a tour of the K1 mine. This meant jumping in an elevator shaft and traveling at 1300 meters per minute down. Here is a picture of the elevator:

Next, we traveled through 4,000 miles of tunnels that we have mined seeing everything we have built. Below is one more picture.

Yes, those are full size Toyota Land Rovers with the top's cut off (the ceilings are pretty low in thte tunnels). The walls in this shop were 4 stories tall. Need I remind you that I am 3000 feet underground when I snap this photo....amazing. The machines that we use to mine are to big to send down the shaft, so we build them underground. Did I say amazing yet?

As always, I love my girls....

Short Story

To catch you up on a couple things:

1) I am going to Canada for work in two days. I don't mind traveling, but I will miss my family, and it is cold in Canada. Instead of hanging out with our friends or family at a Superbowl party...I will be in Canada...Esterhazy....Canada....

2) My wife makes me smile. In so many different ways....but here is a story I just recently learned.

My wife took our oldest to the pediatrician for her two year old checkup, (yes a year ago, but I learned this story last night). Any time my wife goes to the doctor, she typically prepares a list of questions. You need to know my wife to understand the level of detail she likes to get into, but since many of my readers don't know her let me provide an example.

A typical question for me at the pediatrician's office would be "Is Katelyn healthy?"

For my wife to ask the same question, it would go more like this: "Does she have a cold? Does she have a cough? She had a temperature for 3 minutes yesterday is that okay? There is something going around the daycare, should I keep her home? She looked tired yesterday, should I be worried about her rest? She did not eat all of her peas three weeks ago. is that a sign of an eating disorder? Do you think she has a vitamin D deficiency?" and so on and so on....

So, I choose to avoid the doctor visits if possible. This is not because I am not a supportive husband or loving father, but more because I think they see my wife coming and know they are going to be staying late tonight.

So on this visit to the Dr., my wife was going through her usual list of questions, mostly gearing up for what her real concern is. You see, Kelly had been watching the reality show 'Little People Big World' that is about a family of dwarfs, growing up and the trials and tribulations they have to deal with. After watching the show for a while, my wife was worried that although many people at the time just thought Katelyn was petite, what if she is really a dwarf?

So after getting through the normal set of questions, my wife finally having mustered up the courage asks Dr. Hackett: "Is Katelyn going to be a little person?"

Dr. Hackett looked at Kelly, and emphatically says "well....yes...."

All color leaves my wife's face. She is on the verge of crying but wants to remain strong in front of her child. She knows, thanks to the reality show, that "little people" can live relatively normal lives...

Then Dr Hackett continues: "Of course she is going to be little. You are 5 foot 1, and your husband is not that tall, although ruggedly handsome" (I may have added the last part)

All color returns to my wife's face when she realizes that the doctor did not understand the question as she meant it, and instead of her youngest being a dwarf...she is just going to be short.

Although destined to be vertically challenged, I love my girls...

Happy 18 Months

I was going to title this Happy Half-Birthday, but my wife instructed me that although they were celebrating a half birthday today, it was 18 months....which apparently is a milestone.


Her definition of "milestone" and mine differ. If asked, I would say that graduating college, getting married, first baby, etc... are milestones. My wife would apparently go with 18 months.


I am just happy because now I think I can say she is a year and a half old versus counting the months. No joke, last week in the grocery store I asked a lady how old her son was and she told me 49 months. After some quick math, I figured out that is a little over 4 years old. I didn't know how to respond so I walked away...but I feel bad for the kid. He is going to graduate college and that lady is going to shout "there's my little 216 month old"


Katelyn celebrated too. Below she is eating the "cake" mom made.








If you can't tell in the photo. It is crackers and cheese, and yes....Katelyn is in her pajamas. Monday is often declared Pajama Day. It is not because mom is lazy, it is actually declared so by Katelyn. She actually takes off the pajamas she slept in the night before, and puts on a fresh pair to spend the day in. Pajama Day for her, no time saved for mom.

So, one girl hit a milestone, one girl had Pajama Day, and one girl made "cake" that had no baking or sugar involved.

I love my girls.

This is Minnesota in January.  These are my kids.  Many people that are not from the Midwest will never know the luxury of "playing outside" when it is 12 degrees out.

My kids know this luxury.

This picture was actually taken in December because it was 12 degrees out.  The average temperature in January I believe has been something teetering between mild frostbite and hypothermia.

You cannot tell from this photo, but Katelyn (in the back) is the older sister at 3 years of age.  Somehow the picture makes it look like my one year old could crush her.

To catch you up though on recent events....we have gone a full day without any vomit, although it is official that Ashley has another ear infection.

That makes 296 ear infections, and we have decided that "tubes" might be the right solution.  Thanks to dad for coming out and taking care of them today....more thanks for actually giving Ashley her medicine because as admitted in previous posts my youngest daughter would rather eat nails then take her medicine.

On a side note, my wife caught the bug as well.  The difference between her and the kids though is that I think the bug morphed into a less deadly version of the Bubonic Plague.  From Sunday night at about 5 PM to Tuesday morning, my wife was not fairing well.  The worst came on Monday morning at about 4:30AM.  I was sleeping in the hallway as it was the most central location to all three of my sick girls. Kelly opens the door and falls over saying on the way down "I think I am fainting."  As she lied there motionless, I was faced with a dilemma...I mean, what do you do with someone who just fainted...throw water in their face?  take them to the emergency room?  Mouth to mouth?  The latter was not going to happen because I had heard her continuously throwing up for four hours....my lips were not going near hers.  So, as I was standing over her  contemplating next steps.....she finally says "no....I am still here..."  Slowly, she stood up and went back to bed.  

I did not go to work on Monday, but I did not see my wife either.  She was in bed......fainting.

She is fine now.  Katelyn is fine now.  Once we get this ear infection licked, Ashley will be fine.

I on the other hand....am SuperDan.

Even though they are mortals compared to me, I love my girls....

Weekend Fun

Came into the weekend with high expectations. High expectations for the Minnetrista Smiths literally means hitting the grocery store, Target and then one other "surprise store" which is traditionally Kohl's or Target again.

Excited none the less because we had nothing much planned....and after Kelly and I had a busy week each, looking forward to a little bit of relaxing. Friday night was uneventful, although I did manage to squeeze in a cribbage game with the neighbor and another friend that I did dreadful in. Enjoyed the rest of the evening talking with the Mrs. about a plethora of things.

We went to sleep. At about 3 AM, all plans went out the window as Katelyn woke up violently ill. I won't go into details, but let's just say that I know that Katelyn's dinner looked a whole lot better going down then coming up. Her new nickname is "Old Faithful" because she continued to get sick every 20 minutes until 6:10 AM. I slept from 4-6, my wife slept from 6-8.

We are tired.

The worst part....Ashley picked it up at about 11AM today. I did not know that a one year olds stomach held so much. Ashley's is currently empty.

Katelyn feels fine now, Ashley went to sleep after one last round...we are hoping the morning brings smiles. All in all, we got to check off another thing on the list of "learning to be a parent" in dealing with two little ones erupting consistently through the day.

I would say that since the only victims were two pillowcases and one pair of pajamas that could not be salvaged, we did okay.

Although my gag reflex was tested multiple times by them today....I love my girls.

Happy New Year

So, Happy New Year everyone. Hope you all had a safe and festive new year. Now, on to more interesting things. On Saturday, I received a post card from DishNetwork. Now, you may be thinking (as I did) that they were going to thank me for being a loyal customer, and wish me a happy DishNetwork filled 2009. It was not. Instead, it was a letter that stated:

Dear Valued Customer:

DishNetwork does everything it can to control our costs and keep our prices low. Unfortunately, due to changes in regulations, we will be increasing our rates in February. The program package that is referred to as America's Top 200 will be changing it's name to America's Platinum 200 and the new effective rate will b e $57.99 per month.

Thank you for your patronage,
James DeFranco
Executive Vice President, Sales and Distribution, Marketing

So, of course on Monday I had to call DishNetwork as I needed more clarification. Today I pay $44.99 for America's Top 200. So I called the customer service line to find out what I was getting for $13 dollars more a month. Unfortunately, I spoke to someone who I could barely understand but would bet my mortgage does not live in Minnesota. After 7 minutes, I came to the conclusion that the only thing I was going to get for $13 more a month was the opportunity to call it America's Platinum 200 versus America's Top 200.

So I have decided to write them a letter. It will read as follows:

Dear Jim:

I do everything I can to make sure my expenses stay low. Unfortunately, due to overall economic uncertainty, I will be decreasing the amount I am paying you in February. The program package that I refer to as America's Top 200, I will now refer to as America's Middle 200 and the new rate I will be paying you is $34.99.

Thank you for my patronage,
Dan Smith
Executive Vice President of Household Expense Control

They have my phone number, so if they want to get in touch with me, I mean my "customer service line" they can call.

I'll keep you posted as to how it turns out.

No matter what though, I love my girls....